Posted on Aug 30, 2017
by Neil “Some-of-this-actually-is-factual” Walker
At 6:30 on a balmy Wednesday morning following a pre-dawn squall, replete with ear-breaking thunder claps and eye-numbing lightning bolts, three of BBRC’s finest, Adoree Roberson, Liz Rozell and Gail Braze, assembled at the reception area to greet their fellow Rotarians. The trio had schemed up a plan to attract more interest in the 50/50 opportunity drawing . . . one ticket for a buck, or SEVEN for five dollars.  What a homerun!  Sales surged to a lofty $166.  The eventual winner of the opportunity drawing, Dr. Jeff Haynes, sweetened his coffers with half the haul, 83 smackers.  Seems the good doctor has been winning these things a LOT in recent weeks! Immediately after the meeting, Dr. H. was overheard sharing a new client incentive plan with BBRC treasurer, Will Duerksen.  If this reporter got his facts correct, Haynes Chiropractic will be introducing the “Seven for Five” treatment plan.  To wit, if a patient pays to have five vertebrae adjusted, the good doc will toss in two more for free. Only in America!!
Filling in for the absent Stephanie Baker, Mary Jo Pasek offered a heartfelt invocation asking for Texas blessings on the Hurricane Harvey victims, first responders, volunteers . . .  and the Red Cross.
HealthSouth Guru, Martha Samora led our pledge to Ol’ Glory.
Songmeisters Mike & Shari George helped the BBRC tuneless-but-not-hopeless choir in a rousing rendition of “I Fought the Law.”  The tune was chosen specifically to honor (wink, wink) the morning program speaker, Assistant District Attorney, Scott Spielman and Mark Pafford, Chief Deputy District Attorney. Mark was the only Visiting Rotarian introduced by Cheryl “Can’t-Stay-Unpublished-And-Unfineable” Scott.  The morning’s song also was intended to catch the attention of BBRC’s lead rock ‘n roller/biker, Dan Johnson . . . a reminder to keep his Harley under control and under speed!
Master Carpenter David “Woody” Spalinger brought his lovely wife, Melody, to visit BBRC in recognition of their 30th wedding anniversary.  President Denise Haynes, never one to miss an opportunity, asked Melody to stand and describe to the club the most memorable year of their long-lasting marriage.  Some audience members gasped and groaned at her quick response, “Thirty-one years ago!”  Melody quickly assured her cute and cuddly crestfallen craftsman that she was just kidding.
Membership Director Pat Thompson accompanied member Athena Collup to the podium for a very special event, the induction of Bree Goodmon.  Athena gained the honor of sponsoring the first new member joining President Denise’s realm. Bree is a local product who returned home from New York City last year where she worked for Shaw Industries, a Berkshire and Hathaway subsidiary. She is a CSUB grad in Communications with an emphasis on Public Relations (hmmm . . . wonder if that background might be applicable to BBRC goals?!).  She works as part of the team at Flooring America by Casa Moore.  Welcome to Team-BBRC, Bree.
Program Director Sandra Quigley introduced the aforementioned Scott Spielman, Assistant District Attorney.  Scott said hello to several acquaintances in the audience.  One of those was Dr. Joe Nunez with whom Scott referees local football.  He commiserated somewhat with Dr. Joe for all the friendly razzing they take following their oft-disputed “calls” on the gridiron “where we make the calls on the balls and strikes.”  [Not to be outdone, Major League Baseball has announced that it will be “throwing flags” for brush back pitches.] 
Following his U.S. Army stint, Scott graduated from Fresno State University and then McGeorge School of Law.  He then went to work for Kern County and has been there since, prosecuting crimes ranging from misdemeanors to murders and has personally tried over 100 felony jury trials.  His responsibilities also include handling the budget, personnel issues, office policies and crime lab oversight. He performs the DA’s duties when Lisa Green is absent.  Scott is fully resigned to help reduce the tragedy of DUI (Driving Under the Influence) cases.  Drugs, alcohol and distracted driving often result in traffic accidents and fatalities. Kern County currently experiences about 4,000 DUIs annually.  Scott presented his audio/slide program, “A Life Interrupted,” created to educate high schoolers about the dangers of driving under the influence or distractions.  Further, he warns students against riding with someone under these conditions.
Scott’s program kept the entire audience riveted to their seats.  Time went quickly and the program ended prematurely when President Denise interrupted and told Scott he needed to “wrap it up.”  Realizing what she had just done, fear immediately appeared in her eyes for short-circuiting the county counselor.  Thinking of the just-sung tune, “I Fought the Law,” Madam President was hoping that no charges or subpoenas would be forthcoming for her circumvention of the prosecutor. Perhaps Denise will receive a stay-out-of-jail card following a follow-up invite to Scott so he can complete his presentation. 
Bill Black, 11 yrs. on 23rd
Athena Collup, 1 yr. on 24th
Mike Turnipseed 12yrs on 24th
Greg & Janis Desme 34 yrs. on 27th
Dave & Melody Spalinger 30 yrs. on 29th
Tom & Tina Burke 31 yrs. on 30th
THIS WEEK’S BIRTHDAYS: MJ Pasek, 29th; Cherryl, 30th; Teresa Ramos, 31st (Teresa won the 100 Paul Harris drawing). 
                                                         PRAY FOR TEXAS